We all have goals and aspirations; things we want to accomplish and milestones to cross off our bucket lists. This time of the year is when most of us turn our attention to making resolutions and setting goals or intentions. Sometimes setting the goal is the easiest part of the journey we put before ourselves on our quest for whatever it is that we are hoping to arrive at, achieve, or accomplish. Much like entering an address for a desired destination into our GPS in our cars the difficulty doesn’t lie in knowing where we’d like to end up, sometimes the challenge is in the journey between the ‘where we are’ and the ‘where we are going’, and sometimes the most difficult part of the quest is figuring out the ‘where we are’.
The hardest part of figuring out where our starting point is, is that we tend to judge ourselves too harshly. When we are stuck in self-judgment or doubt we aren’t able to accurately gauge a true starting point from which to begin our journey and so we stay in a constant state of wishing we were moving towards something bigger or greater.
Imagine calling your friend and asking for directions to their home and they ask “Where are you coming from?” and you answer “I don’t know.” You can’t begin moving toward your destination until you know for sure from where you’ll be taking your first step. In order for us to be able to figure out ‘where we are’ we have to be willing to get real and be authentic with ourselves without the judgment and self-doubt and to chart a course towards our desired outcome accordingly.
Let’s say your goal is to get to your ideal weight this year. The determining of the destination here is the easy part. Some may say that the hard part of attaining this goal is the journey-ing part: the healthy diet, the exercise, the self-disciplined action that you have to take to venture closer and closer to your thinner you; however I would say that the absolute most difficult factor would be assessing your starting point from a very honest yet loving place. When we begin our weight loss expedition from a judgmental starting place with a statement such as “I’m fat. I need to lose weight.” We set our starting off point at “fat”. What we also do is set our vibration and self talk at a very negative and judge mental baseline. When we set ourselves up to begin any journey in this negative head space we are setting ourselves up for failure because we will inevitably stay stuck in the mire of self loathing.
If we, instead, get real with ourselves in a LOVING way we will have much more likelihood of success in attaining our goals. “I’m heavier than I would like to be. I look in the mirror and I am not happy with what I see. I don’t have as much energy as I’d like to have. I’d like to have energy to run with my kids. I would like to feel sexier with my spouse. I know I am not ugly. I still look good. I know I have a lot to be thankful for and I have it better off than many, but I would like to lose ten pounds to feel better about myself. I know I can do this. I’ve got this.” Do you see the difference in how framing your self-talk in a more loving and positive way can set you up for more success?
This is true for any goals or intentions we set for ourselves. Maybe you’re not trying to lose weight but you’re unhappy in your job. Maybe you’re working hard to get recognition from your superior or to get that promotion. If you start from a place of: “Nothing I do is good enough. They are going to give the promotion to Jim, he’s their favorite anyway. I don’t know why I try.” You are setting yourself up for failure.
Try thinking this way instead : “I do feel under appreciated and while I feel that my boss plays favorites, I know that I am very good at my job and very qualified for this promotion, and so I am going to commit to doing the very best that I can do and I believe that my hard work will pay off.”
How can you re-frame your approach to your goals this year to set yourself up for success?